EPISODE DESCRIPTONS

SERIES 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 5a | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Xmas Specials

SERIES 1
*Number in parentheses at end of program description is BBCWA library tape number. Note: There are no episode titles for this program.

1. The Village of Nouvion in Occupied France, 1941. Two escaping British airmen are sent by the French Resistance to hide in Rene’s Café, a small dining establishment. But nobody at Rene’s speaks any English, and no one is ready for the intrigue that follows. (1)

2. Enter Herr Flick of the Gestapo, who begins to investigate the disappearance of a valuable painting, The Fallen Madonna. Why are Colonel von Strom and Captain Goering lending their uniforms to the British airmen? (2)

3. Fearful of being caught in the German uniforms and being shot as spies, the British airmen burn those uniforms. This reduces Colonel von Strom and Captain Goering to dressing as French onion-sellers. (3)

4. Still disguised as onion-sellers, the Colonel and Captain are waiting on tailors in London (under direction of the Resistance) to sew them new uniforms. But Herr Flick is looking to infiltrate the ranks of the onion sellers. (4)

5. Rene is on his way to blow up the railway, which Captain Goering has already destroyed accidentally. Rene is captured by General von Klinkerhoffen, who demands of Colonel von Strom that Rene be shot. Lieutenant Gruber gives the command to fire! (5)

6. After Rene’s supposed execution, Herr Flick insists that his funeral be attended by senior officers to seek out the members of the Resistance. Rene has come back as his own twin brother, also named Rene, who now must plan for his own burial. (6)

7. In retaliation for the killing of Rene, the Communists kidnap the Colonel and the Captain. Luckily, in the process of escaping the Communists with the assistance of the Gaullist Resistance, the officers manage to get back The Fallen Madonna. (7)

8. The Germans celebrate the burning of the Reichstag (by having the young girls of Nouvion dress as Hitler Youth and perform Bavarian dances). Meanwhile, Rene and Edith don disguises to attempt to substitute a forgery of The Fallen Madonna for the real painting. (8)

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SERIES 2
1. Herr Flick now has not only The Fallen Madonna, but two forged copies as well. Rene thinks that things around the café are returning to what passes for normal when the escaping British airmen turn up again, this time disguised as nuns. (9)

2. Bad news for Flick. Hitler wants his painting. Flick decides to conceal the real painting inside a sausage in Rene’s café and send Der Fuhrer one of the forgeries. The airmen now conceal themselves in a cow costume to try to escape. (10)

3. British Intelligence send in Officer Crabtree disguised as a French Policeman to help the airmen. He parachutes into the top of a tree just as the duo, still disguised as a cow, are attempting to escape. (11)

4. Rene and the Captain take Gruber’s armored car in an attempt to blow up the train containing the sausage with the forged painting on its way to Hitler. Meanwhile, Edith is courted by Mssr. Alphonse, but she decides to marry Rene instead. (12)

5. Mssr. Alphonse is mortally insulted that Edith would chose Rene over him and challenges Rene to a duel with pistols. The Colonel helps Rene in his predicament by ordering troop maneuvers at the site of the duel. (13)

6. The Colonel and Captain are imprisoned by Herr Flick who wants to learn the whereabouts of the real painting. Rene and company sew together a balloon from knickers they have been stealing all around Nouvion, that balloon to take the British airmen away. (14)

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SERIES 3
1. Flick is informed that the Communists have kidnapped his sausage and are demanding a ransom for it. A plan is devised for Rene to pay the ransom then have the Colonel ambush the Communists with his troops to regain the money. (17)

2. Gruber's dog has ended up with the sausage containing the painting, and when Rene talks Gruber into making yet another copy, he ends up getting cut in on the deal. Meanwhile, the stolen lawnmower motor gets hidden in Fanny’s wheelchair. (18)

3. Maria, having been detained by von Klinkerhoffen (with the Fallen Madonna sausage strapped to her bosom) is imprisoned in his chateau. The General subsequently discovers the sausage and hangs it in his closet to cure. (19)

4. The attempt to get the airmen out by antique airplane (with the assistance of suspenders and von Klinkerhoffen's lawnmower motor) is made. Meanwhile, Gruber is given the painting of the Fallen Madonna to copy, even though Rene's mother-in-law has gotten hungry and bitten off the corner with the signature. (20)

5. Rene has hidden The Fallen Madonna on the back of old painting. The General notices that the "old painting" is a van Gogh and confiscates it. The British airmen, meanwhile, have new disguises as a waitress and a street walker. (21)

6. The airmen are in the mortuary, dressed as tarts, waiting to tunnel into the POW camp to hide and get new uniforms. The Fallen Madonna, hidden behind a van Gogh, has been given to Gruber for safe- keeping. (22)

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SERIES 4
1. Hans is successful in vaulting over the perimeter fence at the POW camp, so one escape is complete. Gruber and Helga decide they will rescue the rest. Gruber picks them up in a garbage collection truck and drives away. (23)

2. Aided by Gruber, Rene and company dance their way out of the POW camp. We learn that Maria has deposited herself in the mail to escape. She affixes the wrong amount of postage, is sent only as far as Switzerland and is never seen again. (24)

3. Rene interviews applicants for Maria’s old job, but Michelle appoints Mimi, a fanatical Resistance colleague. Captain Bertorelli joins the Colonel’s command as Liaison Officer for the Italians. (25)

4. The news is that the Germans are about to invade England. Flick, suspecting the Colonel and von Klinkerhoffen of plotting to assassinate Hitler, infiltrates the Colonel’s office to plant a bug. (26)

5. The secret radio is being powered by a tandem dynamo until stolen submarine batteries can arrive. The spy camera sent from London has fallen into a vineyard where the peasants are currently refusing to work for fear of being shot by the Communists. (27)

6. Several of our cast come up with plans to attempt to rescue Herr Flick from the dungeon of Von Klinkerhoffen. Meanwhile, Flick is on the rack and Edith succeeds in blowing up a portion of Nouvion. (28)

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SERIES 5
1. There is a plan afoot to micro-photograph Hitler’s invasion plans and to send them off to London. But first, Yvette and Mimi are to distract the Colonel in order that they might obtain the necessary film. (29)

2. Gruber rescues Rene from his cell. Flick orders Helga to collect evidence of supposed plot to blow up Hitler. The plan to steal the Colonel’s film is put into operation at the café. (30)

3. Helga informs the Colonel and Gruber that Flick suspects they are plotting to kill Hitler. Rene and his staff develop a plan whereby Leclerc can enter Gruber’s room disguised as a fireman to create a diversion so they can blow up the safe. (31)

4. During the pandemonium caused by the fire at the chateau, Leclerc breaks into the safe and finds the Fallen Madonna and the van Gogh instead of the invasion plans. He nicks these and escapes disguised as a German. (32)

5. Rene announces to Edith that he will marry the head of the Communist Resistance, Denise, who was his childhood sweetheart. But no man has ever said "No" to Edith before and lived to tell about it. (33)

6. Rene’s wedding to Denise is on Saturday. Edith plots with Michelle to capture the bride and to stand in her place at the altar. Alphonse still hopes to marry Edith once Rene is out of the picture. (34)

7. In the aftermath of her wedding day, Denise has escaped and is out for blood. The café is machine gunned. Rene wisely takes on the disguise of his father and seeks sanctuary from the Colonel. (35)

8. Rene tells Edith, Yvette and Mimi that Denise is out to get them. Edith is frightened into disguising herself first as her mother and then as Leclerc. Helga reports the whereabouts of the paintings to the Colonel. (36)

9. Michelle gives Rene an outfit in which he can conceal the camera so he can take pictures of the invasion plans. Café Rene is doing the catering for the Meeting of the Generals, so the stage is set for photographic intrigue. (37)

10. The successful photographic attempt from last week was, after all, unsuccessful. Seems there were not any actual invasion plans on the map which Rene photographed. Michelle reveals her love for Rene. (38)

11. Gruber informs von Klinkerhoffen that it was the collaborating French General who blew up Flick and is suspected of trying to poison the other Generals. Rene is reprieved. Michelle tells Yvette she is faking her love for Rene so he will remain in the Resistance. (39)

12. Fearing being blamed for the ten Generals who were sent to the coast, Rene sets out to brick himself into his cellar. Michelle arrives with a medal for his bravery but also with a suicide pill since he knows too much. (40)

13. The Colonel, Gruber, Bertorelli and Leclerc are held ransom by Denise and the Communists. Michelle learns of the situation and decides this an opportune time to do away with both the Germans and the Communists. (41)

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SERIES 5a
1. The stolen money from the bank robbery is hidden in the cuckoo clock. Concerned because her singing is driving away the paying customers, Rene tries to convince Edith instead to mime to a Jeanette McDonald record. (42)

2. Flick and von Smallhausen disguise themselves as fish traders to trace his stolen money. Michelle arrives at the café with the microfilm of the invasion plans to attach to the long-distance duck which must leave today. (43)

3. Despite the unsuccessful attempt to launch the long-distance duck, Rene hopes life can return to normal. But he hasn’t reckoned with the passions of Yvette, Mimi, Denise and now Louise. (44)

4. Rene returns from the hospital to learn from Gruber that Alphonse has been eliminated by an exploding bed pan. Michelle has concocted a new plan to drop Carstairs and Fairfax back into England. (45)

5. Helga informs the Colonel that Leclerc will be shot if the stolen money is not returned. So the Colonel sends Gruber to tell Rene to give back the money which is hidden in the café’s oven. Meanwhile, Fanny decides to bake a potato. (46)

6. Michelle tells Rene he must hide one thousand kilos of high explosive in the café. The materials will be brought in by Alphonse, Crabtree and "pregnant" resistance girls. The charges will be disguised as Christmas puddings. (47)

7. Helga has been spying on von Smallhausen and knows the land mines are in the builder’s yard. When these are removed to the air base, Michelle tells Rene that the airmen will be smuggled in barrels disguised as beer for the Sergeant’s mess. (48)

8. Rene decides to take the paintings and elope to Switzerland with Yvette. But Flick finds out that Hitler does not want the paintings for himself. It’s a trick by von Klinkerhoffen to get them for himself. (49)

9. Rene is on the night train to Geneva, and while he is seeking to avoid Edith, he bumps into Mimi, the Colonel and Gruber. Rene eventually finds Yvette, but the train is then blown up by exploding Christmas puddings. (50)

10. Rene hides his gold in the cuckoo clock, then at the Colonel’s order disguises himself and his Resistance friends as a string quartet to play at the Officer’s dance. Flick and von Smallhausen attend the same dance disguised as maids. (51)

11. Rene hides the missing paintings in packets of spaghetti. Edith tells Rene that she is marrying Mssr. Alphonse. Meanwhile, mine detector in hand, von Klinkerhoffen scans the Colonel’s office. He finds no gold, but he does find the Colonel’s toupee. (52)

12. Yvette and Edith both question Rene about the whereabouts of the gold, but he is not talking. The Colonel and Gruber search Café Rene searching for the missing Enigma machine, but all they turn up is Yvette’s new underwear. (53)

13. Michelle calls an emergency meeting. She tells Rene and the others that two British experts are coming disguised as policemen to examine the Enigma machine. The Colonel is ordered to arrest and execute six most prominent town members if the machine is not returned. (54)

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SERIES 6
*Program note: Due to extraordinarily high residual costs, this series is not sold in syndication. Our screenings indicate that these episodes may be skipped by viewers without disruption to their viewing of the series overall. In the event that these may be re-negotiated sometime in the future, the program numbers that would have occupied in our library (episodes #55-62) have been left set aside.

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SERIES 7
1. Where exactly is Fanny? The last time she was seen, it was in her bed with "toy- pensioner-husband, Leclerc", attached to a balloon and heading due south at about 500 feet. (63)

2. General von Flockenstoffen decides to launch a lightning raid to capture Churchill. The Colonel, Gruber and Bertorelli resort to desperate measures to prevent this. (64)

3. The Germans plan to give Rene a medal for collaboration and the Communists plan to shoot him as a traitor. Michelle’s plans for smuggling the airmen in the disguise of monks reaches its climax. (65)

4. Rene and Edith have fled to England in the place of the airmen. They receive medals from Churchill, meet an old friend from the past and sample some of the hardships of war torn London. (66)

5. General von Kinkerhoffen re-opens the local newspaper as a propaganda sheet with a very reluctant Rene as its editor. Michelle now plans to build a raft to float the airmen to England. (67)

6. The local newspaper, now edited by Rene, is looking for a woman of strength, beauty and virtue to be the Spirit of Nouvion. Edith applies. Michelle needs Rene to nick the Fallen Madonna to sell it for much needed funds for the Resistance. (68)

7. A priest calls at the café to donate gold to the Resistance. Michelle now wants to build a barrage balloon to evacuate the airmen, but von Klinkerhoffen says if the airmen are not returned he will blow up Nouvion. (69)

8. Gruber alerts General von Flockenstoffen of von Klinkerhoffen’s planned bombing. Flick and von Smallhausen set off to defuse the bombs. The Communists come to save Nouvion and take the Colonel and Gestapo officers prisoners in Café Rene. (70)

9. The British airmen get stuck down the drain in the middle of the town square. Rene must use all his wits to devise unusual ways to feed them and avoid detection by the Germans. (71)

10. The Resistance plan to get the airmen out of the drain in the town square under the cover of a gypsy fair. Rene and Edit pay a visit to the gypsies where Edith makes a shocking discovery about her childhood. (72)

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SERIES 8
1. Rene and company disguise themselves as Spanish dancers to recover battle equipment from the chateau. But will Edith be able to sing "Ole!" on key? (73)

2. Still searching for The Fallen Madonna, Flick gives Helga a truth serum extracted from the self-inflating Peruvian Marsh Frog. The side effects are extraordinary. (74)

3. It’s Rene’s birthday! Surprises include a car from Edith, a wink from Hitler and a bomb from the Resistance. The celebration concludes with a bang. (75)

4. Rene has promised to marry Yvette in secret, but he finds himself walking down the aisle instead with Edith. Only divine intervention can now save him. (76)

5. It’s all hands to the smelling salts when Fanny discovers Edith in bed with Der Fuhrer. And what is Hermann Goering doing in the wardrobe? (77)

6. What could possibly go wrong with Michelle’s plan to swap an eel containing The Fallen Madonna for a dog fish containing ten million francs? Just about everything. (78)

7. What has happened to Rene and Edith? And why is Michelle singing a duet with Officer Crabtree? Listen carefully, for they will sing this only once. (79)

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SERIES 9
1. As the war draws to an end the citizens and occupiers of Nouvion return for one final series. The Colonel and Gruber finally come back from Spain. (80)

2. Captured by the Communists, Rene is looking for a way to escape. Flick and von Smallhausen are attempting to trick Edith by pretending to be British. (81)

3. Rene has been successful in escaping from the Communists, but he now must lay low or face being re-captured. (82)

4. One thing that the past four years have taught everyone in Nouvion, trying to get a message through to London is often a most tricky affair. (83)

5. It is the day of the annual Nouvillon Fishmongers Parade, but von Klinkerhoffen, Gruber and the Colonel are heading to Berlin on a most special mission. (84)

6. The moment that Nouvillon has long awaited! Rene and Edith greet the liberating Allied forces, and the war is over. But not the surprises… (85)

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CHRISTMAS SPECIALS
CHRISTMAS SPECIAL 1985 (PART I)- General von Klinkerhoffen orders Colonel von Strom to woo Edith in order to infiltrate the Resistance. The Colonel soon relegates the duty to Captain Goering. The wind changes on the balloon carrying the British airmen, forcing them to land in Fanny’s bedroom. Herr Flick plots the death of General von Klinkerhoffen by poison dart, with Helga assigned to do the fatal deed. Michelle has Edith bake a Black Forest Cake packed with dynamite for the General’s party. (15)
* 48-minute episode *

CHRISTMAS SPECIAL 1991 - Now that the airmen have finally escaped to England and Captain Bertorelli and his Italian troops have gone home, Rene thinks life will be peaceful once again. Then Yvette announces that she's pregnant. Meanwhile, Helga helps Colonel Von Strohm and Lieutenant Gruber steal the painting of the 'Fallen Madonna' from Herr Flick, but she keeps a special piece for herself. (16)
* Should run between sets eight and nine *