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EPISODE DESCRIPTIONS
SERIES 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 and 10 |11 | 12
| 13 | 14 | 15 |
16 | 17 | 18 | 19
| 20 | 21 | 22
| 23
| 24 | |25
| 26
| 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 |
* Number in parentheses at end of program description is BBCWA library
tape number.
SERIES 1
1. PILOT - COMEDY PLAYHOUSE
Taking flowers to his wife's grave, Clegg (Peter Sallis) stops to chat with the vicar. Blamire (Michael Bates) and Compo (Bill Owen) meet up with him to reminisce about life, death and tiddlers.
This episode also includes the formidable Nora Batty (Kathy Staff), and café owners Sid (John Comer) and Ivy (Jane Freeman). (1)
2. THE LOST KEY
A visit to the barbers-but Compo's key is missing. It may be in the library-but where is the librarian? (2)
3. COMPO GOES TO CHURCH
Blamire decides it's time Compo went to church. (3)
4. THEY DON'T MAKE SANDWICHES LIKE THAT ANY MORE
A day out at a stately home with Compo's nephew and family. (4)
5. COMPO'S SUIT
If Nora won't have Compo, what are his chances with a thrice-widowed woman from Bradford? (5)
6. THE 30'S CAR
The trio buy a car, but Clegg has to drive! (6)
7. THE ART OF PHOTOGRAPHY
When Blamire takes up photography, no one can hide from his demon lens. (7)
SERIES 2
1. FORKED LIGHTNING
Clegg's bike attacks him where it hurts, so he decides it should be returned to where he bought it – 30 years ago. (8)
2. WHO'S THAT DANCING WITH NORA BATTY THEN?
Neighbour Gloria Is emigrating to Australia. A party is organized to give her a good send-off – but where can they find a piano? (9)
3. THE CHANGING FACE OF RURAL BLAMIRE
A trio of salesmen is Blamire's latest idea, but Shinyglow cleaner turns out not to be all it is meant to be. (10)
4. SOME ENCHANTED EVENING
When Wally Batty (Joe Gladwin) decides to leave home, Compo seizes the opporunity to woo and win the woman he loves. Easier said than done, of course, where Nora is concerned. (11)
5. A QUIET DRINK
Can Mouse be conned into buying a round? It may take more than second sight. (12)
6. BALLAD FOR WIND INSTRUMENTS AND CANOE
An expedition in the jungles of Yorkshire by canoe – if our elderly heroes can catch it! (13)
7. NORTHERN FLYING CIRCUS
Compo takes up motorcycling, so look out Barry Sheene – and the rest of Homfirth! (14)
SERIES 3
1. THE MAN FROM OSWESTRY
Compo and Clegg are minus one playmate now that Blamire has gone, but things soon look up when Foggy Dewhurst (Brian Wilde) arrives on the scene and makes his presence felt. (15)
2. MENDING STUART'S LEG
Stuart has a 'click' in his knee. Has anyone else got one? (16)
3. THE GREAT BOARDING-HOUSE BATHROOM CAPER
The lads are on a holiday break to Scarborough, but what is the secret of Compo's cardboard box? (17)
4. CHEERING UP GORDON
Despite being on holiday, Compo's nephew persists in being miserable. What can be done to cheer him up? (18)
5. THE KINK IN FOGGY'S NIBLICK
Foggy decides football is too dangerous, so he goes back to playing golf – even though his clubs have not seen the light of day for years. (19)
6. GOING TO GORDON'S WEDDING
It is Gordon's wedding day, but how many comings and goings under the threat of Big Malcolm can the assembled guests stand? (20)
7. ISOMETRICS AND AFTER
Foggy decides (21)
SERIES 4
1. FERRET COME HOME
Compo's ferret has escaped and taken up residence at Nora Batty's. Can Wally get it back safely? (22)
2. GETTING ON SIDNEY'S WIRE
Sid at the café is trying to install a bell, but its advanced technology is beyond Compo, Clegg and Foggy. (23)
3. JUBILEE
Holmfirth is organizing its own celebrations for the Queen's Silver Jubilee, and Foggy decides the trio should have their own float. (24)
4. FLOWER POWER CUT
Some people talk to trees, but Clegg is serenading flowers in the café. (25)
5. WHO MADE A BIT OF A SPLASH IN WALES THEN?
Foggy visits a lady friend in Wales, but what will happen when the others arrive? (26)
6. GREENFINGERS
Deciding that the deterioration of the British vegetable is due to a lack of good honest muck (manure), our heroes go in search of good fresh vegetables and encounter a giant carrot. (27)
7. THE BANDIT FROM STOKE-ON-TRENT
'Laugh-a-minute' Amos Hames may have toured Europe in the 1940s, but what is he doing here at Holmfirth now? It all seems rather suspicious… (28)
SERIES 5
1. FULL STEAM BEHIND
Foggy takes Compo and Clegg on a nostalgic trip to the Keighley and Worth Valley Railway. (29)
2. THE FLAG AND ITS SNAG
Foggy has a vision to put a flag in a prominent place on the great British landscape - but first he needs a flag and a flagpole. (30)
3. THE FLAG AND FURTHER SNAGS
Foggy collects his flag and achieves his vision. (31)
4. DEEP IN THE HEART OF YORKSHIRE
Sid and Wally are seen disappearing into the woods. Why are their wives worried? (32)
5. EARNSHAW STRIKES AGAIN
Anyone criticising Yorkshire is rousing old Yorkshire ghosts - Clegg, for one, is very superstitious... (33)
6. HERE WE GO INTO THE WILD BLUE YONDER
Compo contemplates the sport of hang-gliding. Nora gets Wally to take her out for a meal. (34)
7. HERE WE GO AGAIN INTO THE WILD BLUE YONDER
Compo gets his hang-glider, courtesy of Wally Batty. (35)
SERIES 6
1. IN THE SERVICE OF HUMANITY
After a close encounter with an emergency, Foggy decides to go into the rescue business. (36)
2. CAR AND GARTER
Compo enters a car race to impress Nora. After all, Wesley Pegden's (Gordon Wharmby) old banger never starts – or does it? (37)
3. THE ODD DOG MEN
Foggy decides there is money to be made in walking people's pets.. (38)
4. BICYCLE MADE FOR THREE
Foggy gets Compo and Clegg to each design a bicycle to suit their personalities. (39)
5. ONE OF THE LAST PLACES UNEXPLORED BY MAN
Compo wants his photograph taken – in Nora Batty's bedroom! (40)
6. SERENADE FOR TIGHT JEANS & METAL DETECTO
When Clegg buys a metal detector, our heroes head off to the hills to look for treasure. (41)
7. FROM WELLIES TO WET SUITS
Compo buys a wet suit from Sid and decides to take up water ski-ing. (42)
SERIES 7
1. THE FROZEN TURKEY MAN
Compo convinces a barmaid that Foggy is an eccentric millionaire. (43)
2. THE WHITE MAN'S GRAVE
Wally is fed up with Nora's constant nagging so Compo, Clegg and Foggy devise a plan to get him out of the house for a few hours. (44)
3. THE WAIST LAND
Foggy discovers there is money to be made selling food to the desperate inhabitants of a local health farm. (45)
4. CHEERING UP LUDOVIC
Ludovic has bought a new van and, to cheer him up, Clegg is given the job of test-driving it. (46)
5. THE THREE ASTAIRES
Foggy enlists Compo and Clegg to help out at the church concert. (47)
6. THE ARTS OF CONCEALMENT
Trying to camouflage himself, Foggy upsets a group of cyclists. Compo also upsets someone - over the state of his trousers. (48)
SERIES 8
1. THE LOXLEY LOZENGE
Wesley has discovered an old racing car. Compo, Clegg and Foggy offer to help him transport it back to his shed, not reckoning on its condition. (49)
2. THE MYSTERIOUS FEET OF NORA BATTY
Compo, Clegg and Foggy attempt to settle a question involving the size of Nora Batty's feet.(50)
3. KEEPING BRITAIN TIDY
An old, discarded matress prompts Foggy to institute the Dewhurst Campaign for a Cleaner Countryside. One of his first recruits is an innocent insurance salesman in a Mini. (51)
4. ENTER THE PHANTOM
Encouraged by Foggy and Clegg, Compo sets out to impress Nora Batty by becoming daredevil motorcycle rider 'The Phantom'. (52)
5. CATCHING DIGBY'S DONKEY
The complete inability of Digby to catch a simple-brained animal is beyond the comprehension of Foggy. With the assistance of Compo and Clegg, Foggy sets out to show the donkey who is the boss. (53)
6. THE WOOLLEN MILLS OF YOUR MIND
In an effort to give Nora Batty a much-needed interest in life, Compo surprises everyone by announcing that he will be running for her in the forthcoming marathon. (54)
7. WHO'S LOOKING AFTER THE CAFE THEN?
Ivy has to leave the café (55)
SERIES 9 and SERIES 10
1. WHY DOES NORMAN CLEGG BUY LADIES ELASTIC STOCKINGS?
Foggy has left Holmfirth to run an egg-painting business in Bridlington, but Compo and Clegg have found a wonderful new friend in Seymour Utterthwaite (Michael Aldridge), a former headmaster and amateur inventor. But when Seymour's new invention has to be road- and field-tested, their initial interest is dimmed. (56)
2. THE HEAVILY REINFORCED BOTTOM
In Seymour's opinion, what Compo urgently needs is some tough physical exercise to get himself back into peak condition, and there is no better way of achieving this than the ideal combination of Compo, a canal and a canoe. (57)
3. DRIED DATES AND CODFANGLERS
Compo discovers (too late) that the little black ball he has just tossed into Seymour's pond is of great sentimental value to him. But Seymour is more interested in his new voice-activated electronic door-lock. (58)
4. THE REALLY MASCULINE PURSE
Compo willingly agrees to 'road-test' Seymour's new concept of a gentleman's purse, especially as there will be real money provided in it. (59)
5. WHO'S FEELING EJECTED THEN?
With Wesley's help and a specially made chassis, Seymour's latest invention – a car safety device – is ready for testing. But Compo, his 'Executive in charge of testing', finds it far from safe. (60)
6. THE ICE CREAM MAN COMETH
Compo's craving for ice-cream in remote places gives Seymour the idea that the time could be right for bringing back the old 'stop me and buy one' mobile ice-cream vendor. All that is required is a bike, a fridge, a uniform and a volunteer. (61)
7. SET THE PEOPLE FREE
Clegg and Compo are used to the sight of Wally and Howard doing routine domestic chores under the scrutiny of their wives, but Seymour cannot accept this and decides to help them escape for a few moments of freedom.All he needs is a well-thought-out plan. (62)
8. GO WITH THE FLOW
Despite Clegg's disturbing experience with two young evangelists, Seymour decides it is time to do something worthwhile and puts his talents at the vicar's disposal. It’s rather difficult to sell tickets for the church Beatrix Potter evening, until Compo comes up with an idea which gets him scurrying. (63)
9. JAWS
Edie's days of carrying a heavy dustbin are numbered. Her brother Seymour has invented a state-of-the-art waste disposal unit and insists that Wesley plumbs it in for her. Will this be Seymore's breakthrough to fame and fortune? (64)
10. EDIE AND THE AUTOMOBILE
Look out! Edie is learning to drive again. Compo and Clegg are justifiably alarmed when Seymour ,a non-driver, volunteers to take over the instruction. All he needs is a qualified driver to simply sit next to her… (65)
11. WIND POWER
How can Seymour harness the wind for everlasting good of mankind? With the steadying help of Clegg, an old pair of roller skates, an impoverished sail, and a gullible test-pilot (Compo), he sets out to make history. (66)
12. WHEN YOU TAKE A GOOD BITE, YORKSHIRE TASTES TERRIBLE
When Bill Henry, an old friend, dies in America, Clegg takes Compo and Seymour on a sentimental journey to re-create the times when his old school chum would walk gates and climb trees together.Then certain uncanny things happen… (67)
SERIES 11
1. THE EXPERIMENT - Compo wonders why all the blood rushes to his head
when he's turned upside down. Seymour sets out to discover why. (68)
2. THE TREASURE OF THE DEEP - Crusher's final appearance. Is the piece
of silver fished out of the canal really a thief's haul? Is there more
where it came from? (69)
3. DANCING FEET - Compo's feet hurt, but why go to visit "The Witch"
for a cure? (70)
4. THAT CERTAIN SMILE - First appearance of Clem Hemingway, alias Smiler.
A visit by a much loved pet seems the only way to bring a smile to Clem's
face during a spell in hospital. (71)
5. DOWNHILL RACER - Seymour tries to prove that skiing is more than just
a winter sport for the rich. (72)
6. DAY OF THE WELSH FERRET - While the trio are on their way to a funeral,
Compo loses his pet ferret. (73)
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SERIES 12
1. COME BACK JACK HARRY TEASDALE - Seymour offers the trio's services
to help Jack Harry and his weeping wife to maneuver his caravan into his
drive. (74)
2. THE KISS AND MAVIS POSKITT - Clegg could be the answer to a lonely
widow's prayer! meanwhile, who is kissing whom? (75)
3. OH SHUT UP AND EAT YOUR CHOC ICE - How do you get a bale of hay back
up the hill after you have been the cause of it rolling down? (76)
4. WHO'S THAT BLOKE WITH NORA BATTY THEN? - Compo is concerned when he
sees Nora going out mysteriously and then sees her in the pub with another
man. (77)
5. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY GOUGH AND JESSIE - Compo, Clegg and Seymour are
determined Gough's anniversary will include an extra celebration- without
his wife Jessie! (78)
6. GETTING BARRY HIGHER IN THE WORLD - Seymour makes a giant kite and
gets Barry to test it out. (79)
7. THREE MEN AND A MANGLE - What can happen when you offer to move an
old mangle for Nora Batty? (80)
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SERIES 13
1. RETURN OF THE WARRIOR - Final appearance by Seymour, who leaves to
look after a school. Will life be boring for Compo and Clegg? Not for
long, as Foggy Dewhirst returns to the fold. (81)
2. COME IN SUNRAY MAJOR - Foggy has an idea to use portable radios to
improve communications. (82)
3. THE CHARITY BALLS - Foggy gets Compo and Clegg to enter the "sponsored
dribble" to raise money for charity. (83)
4. WALKING STUFF CAN MAKE YOU FAMOUS - Foggy is upset because he's not
famous for anything, so he invents the sport of bicycle polo. (84)
5. THAT'S NOT CAPTAIN ZERO - Our trio help Captain Zero when his vehicle
breaks down but don't reckon on him getting drunk. (85)
6. DAS (WELLEY) BOOT - Compo is determined to get Nora onto Foggy's
old restored boat, but first Foggy has to come up with an ideal plan.
(86)
7. THE EMPIRE THAT FOGGY NEARLY BUILT - After a heated encounter with
two motorists, Foggy decides there must be money to be made providing
parking spaces. (87)
8. THE LAST SURVIVING MAURICE CHEVALIER IMPRESSION - To stop Nora taking
him for granted, Compo becomes a TV star for the day doing his legendary
impression. (88)
9. ROLL ON - To prove they are still fit, the trio enter the local barrel
rolling contest. (89)
10. A LANDLADY FOR SMILER - Compo is more than a little concerned when
Smiler moves in as Nora Batty's lodger. (90)
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SERIES 14
1. QUICK, QUICK SLOW - Compo is depressed because Nora has a lodger. Foggy
has an unusual way of curing his malaise-dancing! (91)
2. GIVE US A LIFT - Foggy's idea is the ultimate in chair lifts to get
people to the top of the hills without any effort. (92)
3. WAS THAT NORA BATTY SINGING? - Compo is depressed again because he
has heard Nora singing, and when he sees her with Smiler his imagination
runs riot. (93)
4. CASH FLOW PROBLEMS - In order to ease his financial situation, Compo
goes searching for Biff Hemingway, an old school pal who still owes him
money. (94)
5. PASSING THE EARRING - Howard needs Clegg's help to get an earring
belonging to Marina out of the house without Pearl knowing. (95)
6. POLE STAR - Foggy gets Compo to take up pole vaulting so he can reach
Nora's clothes post and impress her with his athletic prowess. (96)
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SERIES 15
1. BY THE MAGNIFICENT THIGHS OF ERNIE BURNISTON - Is Ernie Burniston's
fitness all a bluff? To prove it, Foggy uses Compo as his "guinea pig."
(97)
2. ERROL FLYN USED TO HAVE A PAIR LIKE THAT - After overhearing a conversation
between Nora and a neighbor, Compo discovers that Nora has a weakness
for men in riding gear. (98)
3. THE PHANTOM OF THE GRAVEYARD - Compo, Clegg and Foggy prepare to pay
their respects to pay their respects to an old teacher, but why is Howard
so keen to go? (99)
4. THE SELF-PROPELLED SALAD STRAINER - Wesley invests in a strange motor
vehicle from Auntie Wainwright. How can this help Compo deliver flowers
to the one he loves? (100)
5. ORDEAL BY TROUSERS - Are Foggy's war stories true? Compo and Clegg
decide to submit him to an old school ritual to discover the truth. (101)
6. HAPPY BIRTHDAY HOWARD - Marina leaves a giant panda with Clegg for
Howard's birthday. Along with Compo and Foggy, he then has the task of
delivering it, without Pearl knowing. (102)
7. WHO'S GOT RHYTHM? - Compo is broke again, so to earn some easy money
he visits Auntie Wainwright and becomes a one-man band. (103)
8. CAMERA SHY - When Foggy buys a video camera from Auntie Wainwright,
it seems no- one is safe from his prying eye, especially Howard and Marina.
(104)
9. WHEELIES - Foggy invents a new vehicle made out of a giant wheel and
as usual Compo gets to test-drive it. (105)
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SERIES 16
1. HOW TO CLEAN YOUR PIPES - Foggy gets Compo and Clegg to improve their
physical fitness by taking part in an assault course. (106)
2. WHERE THERE'S SMOKE, THERE'S A BARBECUE - There's Barbecue: After
purchasing a barbecue from Auntie Wainwright, the trio find the gas valve
is just a little too powerful. (107)
3. THE BLACK WIDOW - Too much home brew at a funeral tea leaves Compo
and Foggy having to rescue Clegg from the arms of an amorous widow. (108)
4. HAVE YOU GOT A LIGHT, MATE? - Smiler is selling security lights. Howard
is determined to buy Marina a china shepherdess-if he can persuade Clegg
to visit Auntie Wainwright's. (109)
5. STOP THAT BATH - The trio find they are involved in yet another of
Howard's schemes to get a present to Marina-this time a cast iron bath!
(110)
6. SPRINGING SMILER - Smiler rashly offers £50 to anyone who will help
him escape from Nora Batty's-an offer too good for Foggy to ignore. (111)
7. CONCERTO FOR SOLO BICYCLE - Foggy comes up with the crazy idea of
bicycle safety underwear after he collides with Compo riding his old bike.
(112)
8. THERE ARE GYPSIES AT THE BOTTOM OF OUR GARDEN - "Dewhirst's Nature
Tours" are launched by Foggy after he believes he's discovered the nesting
place of a giant woodpecker. (113)
9. ALADDIN GETS ON YOUR WICK - After seeing a man on a sailboard, Foggy
has the idea of inventing a three-man version. (114)
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SERIES 17
1. THE GLORY HOLE - Compo and Clegg cannot understand Foggy's love for
a simple hole in the ground, but for him it's a solid reminder of the
war. (115)
2. ADOPTED BY A STRAY - The trio meet Mr. Broadbent, a man looking for
the wilderness, but they don't reckon on having to look after his wife.
(116)
3. THE DEFEAT OF THE STONEWORM - To keep Howard out of trouble with
Pearl, the three friends have to prove the existence of "stoneworm." (117)
4. ONCE IN A MOONLIT JUNKYARD - When a stranger on a motorbike rides
into town looking for Compo, it can only mean the return of his old girlfriend
Babs. (118)
5. THE SPACE ACE - When Yorkshire's leading astronaut has had too much
to drink-guess who ends up taking his place? (119)
6. THE MOST POWERFUL EYEBALLS IN WEST YORKSHIRE - Foggy tries his hand
at hypnotism after watching Howard's failed attempts to hypnotize Pearl.
(120)
7. THE DEWHIRSTS OF OGLEBY HALL - Foggy decides to have a coat of arms
made after convincing himself that he may have some blue blood in his
veins. (121)
8. THE SEET SMELL OF EXCESS - After a failed attempt to impress Nora
on a trampoline, Compo finds getting out of bed is not as easy as he thought.
(122)
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SERIES 18
1. LEAVING HOME FOREVER, OR UNTIL TEA - Compo's passion for Nora Batty
remains unrequited while Foggy continues to reminisce about his war years
and watch his pennies. Howard finds that getting lipstick on his collar
is a sure way of becoming homeless. (123)
2. BICYCLE BONANZA - Compo, Clegg, and Foggy hire bikes from Auntie Wainwright
so that they can go off the road bicycle trekking. The three get stuck
in the mud on their bikes. Wesley pulls them out and they all get splattered
with mud. (124)
3. THE GLAMOUR OF THE UNIFORM - Marina's apparent fascination with men
in uniform forces Howard to take drastic steps. (125)
4. THE FIRST HUMAN BEING TO RIDE A HILL - Compo, Foggy, and Clegg band
together to help a distressed Howard, who's' fearsome wife, Pearl, has
just confiscated her philandering husband's bicycle. (126)
5. CAPTAIN CLUTTERBUCK'S TREASURE - Compo, Clegg, and Foggy buy a treasure
map from Lieutenant Willoughby and go in search of treasure only to find
he has sold the same map to many more people... (127)
6. DESPERATE FOR A DUFFIELD - When Compo receives his umpteenth rejection
from Nora Batty, he goes out searching elsewhere for love. With the help
of Clegg and Foggy (of course), Compo sets out to track down an old flame
from his schooldays. (128)
7. THE SUIT THAT TURNED LEFT - A mysterious man with a machine for locating
"hidden forces" has Compo, Foggy, and Clegg running around in circles.
Wesley is forced to wear his old suit for the church outing and it seems
to have a mind of its own. (129)
8. BEWARE OF THE ELBOW - Compo, Foggy, and Clegg come across Mr. Microwave,
who is launching a campaign against slimming and wants to communicate
his message through a huge fat lady balloon which the trio help to launch.
(130)
9. THE THING IN WESLEY'S SHED - The trio are intrigued when they spot
Wesley in disguise. He is on a foray to the junkyard owned by Auntie Wainwright
to buy some parts for a mystery machine he's working on secretly in his
shed. (131)
10. BUSHES AT DAWN - Foggy, and Clegg band together to help their friend
Compo when he discovers Nora Batty in a cupboard with another man and
Compo is devastated. There is only one honorable thing he can do - challenge
his rival to a duel. (132)
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SERIES 19
1. A CLEAN SWEEP - When a sweep, wearing a chimney, threatens to throw
himself off a bridge into the shallow river, Compo, Clegg, and Foggy take
him in hand. (133)
2. THE MYSTERIOUS C.W.NORTHROP - Smiler suddenly falls in love with
ivy and sends her a note signed C. W. Northrop. Unfortunately he accidentally
sends her a note to himself reminding him to call the cleaners. (134)
3. A DOUBLE FOR HOWARD - Howard needs to teach his suspicious wife, Pearl,
a lesson. He looks for someone to pretend to be him with Marina. (135)
4. HOW TO CREATE A MONSTER - When Compo, Clegg, and Foggy see the part-time
Lollipop man, Smiler being near trampled to death by a horde of infants,
they realize how weak the man is. (136)
5. DEVIATIONS WITH DAVENPORT - The trio discover Davenport as he is climbing
a steep hill,. Who better to guide him safely on his way than jungle explorer
extraordinaire - Foggy Dewhirst. (137)
6. ACCORDING TO THE PROPHET BICKERDYKE - Foggy has known all along that
the world will eventually blow up, so when he comes across a man waiting
for the moment, he is not all surprised. (138)
7. NEXT KISS PLEASE - Compo unwisely bets Foggy that Nora Batty will,
of her own free will, kiss him. To record the momentous event, Foggy buys
Clegg an instant picture camera. (139)
8. DESTINY AND SIX BANANAS - Reports of the sighting of dangerous giant
apes in the area are substantiated when the trio find a terrified man
running from the local woods. (140)
9. THE SIDE CAR NAMES DESIRE - When Compo realizes that Nora Batty still
has fond memories of her days riding in the sidecar of her husband Wally's
motorcycle, he sees the possibilities of getting hold of one. (141)
10. THE LOVE MOBILE - Ethel and Lance run a traveling introduction agency
for lost souls in need of affection. Their car has broken down when Compo,
Clegg, and Foggy happen upon them and lend them help, of sorts.(142)
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SERIES 20
1. BEWARE OF THE OGLETHORPE - Compo, Clegg, and Truly are in the cafe
trying to work out who the elderly man is sipping tea wrapped in his own
thoughts. Compo keeps interrogating the man and eventually the man remembers
him. (143)
2. TARZAN OF THE TOWPATH - Compo suffers a strained back after a bout
of hill climbing and is surprised when it Is Nora Batty who unexpectedly
puts right for him. Later, while on the canal bank, Compo reminisces about
when horses on the towpath pulled the barges. (144)
3. OH HOWARD, WE SHOULDE GET ONE OF THOSE - Compo is intrigued when
Ivy closes the cafe unusually early and goes off with Nora. Truly offers
him the benefit of his police training and with Clegg, they trail the
women. (145)
4. THE SUIT THAT ATTRACTS BLONDES - The local jumble sale presents Glenda
an opportunity to get rid of a suit belonging to her husband, Barry. Compo
buys the suit to look up some old female acquaintances, but he is less
than happy with the woman it attracts. (146)
5. THE ONLY DIESEL SAXOPHONE IN CAPTIVITY - An old school rival, Goatie,
and his wife are recruiting Nora for church cleaning duties. Compo could
never stand Goatie's self- opinionated superior attitude, so he challenges
the man to submit to certain tests to prove who is superior. (147)
6. PERFECTION, MY NAME IS RIDLEY - Wherever Compo, Clegg and Truly go,
all they hear is how wonderful Mr. Ridley is. The fact that Nora is going
to clean for him is the last straw for Compo. (148)
7. NOWHERE PARTICULAR - Howard has bought an old van and is having Wesley
make certain modifications to make it more comfortable in the back. He
is taking this precaution should he ever have a passenger. (149)
8. TRULY AND THE HOLE TRUTH - Clegg and Compo are invited to witness
Truly's ability to spot accidents waiting to happen. Suspecting that workmen
may have been overcome by fumes down an open manhole, Truly sets about
rescuing them, but when he loses his balance, he finds it is he who has
to be rescued. (150)
9. FROM AUDREY NASH TO THE WIDO DIHOOLEY - When Truly hears that little
Audrey Nash - his childhood sweetheart - is returning from Australia,
his head goes in a spin. When Ivy and Nora go to collect Audrey from the
station, Truly decides to surprise her and dress up exactly as he did
the last time he saw her. (151)
10. SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL SKYDIVER - Compo tries being an aviator to win
over Nora. He implores Auntie Wainwright's assistance in obtaining a flying
suit and parachute. A plane, however, is not so readily available. (152)
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SERIES 21
1. THE PONY SET - Auntie Wainwright has a new line of all things equestrian,
even a riding simulator, which Compo thinks might come in rather handy.
(153)
2. HOW ERROL FLYN DISCOVERED THE SECRET SCAR OF NORA BATTY - Compo tries
to win Nora's heart by dressing up as Robin Hood. (154)
3. WHO'S THROWN HER TOM CRUISE PHOTOGRAPHS AWAY? - When Marina gets stood
up by Howard, she decides the time has come to give up her interest in
men. (155)
4. WHAT HAPPENED TO BARRY'S NOSE? - Howard decides to pump iron, so Barry
sets out to me more assertive. Truly takes charge when failure looms on
all fronts. (156)
5. OPTIMISM IN THE HOUSING MARKET - Smiler's first day as a door-to-door
salesman is a painful one. (157)
6. WILL BARRY GO SEPTIC DESPITE LISTENING TO CLASSICAL MUSIC? - Compo,
Clegg and Truly are intrigued when they meet a man testing for earthquakes.
(158)
7. BEWARE THE VANILLA SLICE - Compo is reminded of a boisterous game
he used to play at school, a game far too rough for Clegg to remember.
Truly, meanwhile, has a lawnmower on his mind. (159)
8. HOWARD THROWS A WOBBLER - When Howard overhears Pearl laughing on
the phone, he suspects the worst. So Truly organizes a surveillance team
to follow her. (160)
9. THE PHANTOM NUMBER 14 BUS - Former police inspector "Truly of the
Yard" investigates the mystery of the disappearing bus. (161)
10. IRONING DAY - Auntie lets Smiler try some homemade wine. (162)
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SERIES 22
1. LIPSTICK AND OTHER PROBLEMS - The telltale signs of Barry's chivalrous
rescue of Marina cause marital strife. (163)
2. UNDER THE RUG - Clegg knows there is trouble ahead when Howard tells
him to expect a postal delivery that he doesn't want Pearl to know about.
(164)
3. MAGIC AND THE MORRIS MINOR - Comedy series. Compo, Clegg and Truly
happen upon a couple whose car has got stuck in a remote field. (165)
4. ELEGY FOR FALLEN WELLIES - When Nora forsakes her wrinkled stockings
for black tights, the results are catastrophic. (166)
5. SURPRISE AT THROSTLENEST - While preparations are being made for
Compo's funeral, Nora finds a letter he has written. (167)
6. JUST A SMALL FUNERAL - Clegg and Truly brace themselves for their
saddest moment, Compo's funeral - while Howard is torn between three demanding
ladies. (168)
7. FROM HERE TO PATERNITY - Clegg and Truly learn that Compo has a son
who is about to pay his father a visit. (169)
8. SOME VANS MAKE YOU DEAF - Compo's son, Tom, sparks chaos when he tries
to find a spare exhaust pipe for his van. (170)
9. WAGGONERS ROLL - Truly and Clegg find themselves searching for Tom's
missing, untalented protogee, Babs. (171)
10. I DIDN'T KNOW BARRY COULD PLAY - Clegg and Truly collect Bab's music
from the station. (172)
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SERIES 23
1. GETTING BARRY'S GOAT - Tom causes chaos when he leaves something
special in Barry's garage. (173)
2. THE ART OF THE SHORTS - Howard panics when Pearl asks him why one
of his undergarments is missing. (174)
3. THE MISSING BUS OF MRS AVERY - The ladies hire a minibus to take them
on a picnic, which becomes more a mystery tour. (175)
4. HEY, BIG VENDOR - Wesley produces a go-anywhere vending machine -
ideal for thirsty & foolish customers. (176)
5. ENTER THE HAWK - Billy Hardcastle finds that having a friend with
a powerful pinstriped suit is adventurous enough. (177)
6. GNOME AND AWAY - Howard has a unique present for Marina to put in
her garden. The problem is, how can he get it delivered without Pearl
seeing it? (178)
7. A HAIR OF THE BLONDE THAT BIT YOU - When Pearl finds a long blonde
hair on Howard, he calls on his friends to help him establish how such
a thing could possibly happen. (179)
8. A WHITE SWEATER AND A SOLICITOR'S LETTER - A letter intended for Compo
interests the town and terrifies his son, Tom. (180)
9. WHY IS BARRY AT AN ANGLE? - Barry finds promotion at the building
society brings problems (181)
10. COMING OF THE BEAST - When Truly mischievously alerts Billy Ingleton
that there is a tiger on the loose, he has no idea how far the story will
spread, and what the repercussions will be. (182)
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SERIES 24
1. A BRIEF EXCURSION IN THE FAST LANE - Barry is having a mid-life
crisis and feels that he needs to do something exciting. While his wife
Glenda seeks the help of Truly and Clegg to bring him back to his senses,
Billy Hardcastle has got caught up in the scooter craze and thinks this
may fill Barry's lust for danger. (183)
2. THE MYSTICAL SQUEAK OF HOWARD'S BICYCLE - Howard's bicycle has developed
a loud squeak whenever he is sneaking away from his wife Pearl for a tryst
with Marina. Meanwhile,Truly has issued a challenge to Billy Hardcastle
to see who has the stronger sixth sense. (184)
3. MERVYN WOULD BE PROUD - Billy (a descendant of Robin Hood on his mother's
side) is regretting an alcoholic boast to demonstrate his skills with
a bow and arrow at the forthcoming vicarage garden party. He can't back
out as he'll lose face with Mervyn, his greatest fan. (185)
4. THE INCREDIBLE ORDEAL OF NORMAN CLEGG - When Howard asks Clegg to
look after one or two illicit picnic items, he didn't realize that they
would include Marina. But with Pearl next door, he is not sure what to
do and calls upon the help of Truly and Billy. (186)
5. BEWARE OF THE HOT DOG - Wesley is planning to sell hot dogs to weary
hikers and travelers from his new barrow and recruits the unwilling Barry
to be his assistant. He has utilized his considerable engineering skills
to make the first turbo-assisted mobile hot dog grill. (187)
6. IN SEARCH IF CHILDLIKE JOY AND THE FARTHEST REACHES OF THE LOTUS -
Billy is demonstrating the advantages of having a quarterstaff (a long
wooden pole with an iron tip, an old weapon of defence) to Truly and Clegg
when he is nearly run over by Smiler on Wesley's new deluxe, hand-made
trolley. Smiler ends up stuck in a hedge and the only way to get him out
is to leave his trousers and shoes on the other side. (188)
7. A CHAISE LOUNGE TOO FAR - Auntie Wainwright sells Barry a very large
chaise lounge as an anniversary present for Glenda, who hates it and tells
him get rid of it. Pearl has locked Howard in his bedroom, preventing
him from keeping an appointment with Marina. (189)
8. EXERCISING FATHER'S BICYCLE - Tom is in mid-flight from a pursuing
debt collector, when he runs into Truly, Clegg and Billy. They regale
him with stories of Compo and his famous skill on his old bicycle. In
an attempt to live-up to his father's reputation, Tom dusts down his Compo's
old bike and sets off to perform wonders in the saddle. (190)
9. SADLY, MADLY, BRADLEY - Billy has been burdened with his dour brother-in-law,
Bradley. Truly and Clegg suggest a day-out in the countryside, but nothing
interests Bradley at all.(191)
10. IT ALL BEGAN WITH AN OLD VOLVO HEADLAMP - Driving a Landrover and
caravan, Kevin is nursing a broken heart and is looking for the loneliest
spot in the area. When he gets the idea of becoming a Wise Man of the
Woods, Clegg, Truly and Billy take him to see Auntie Wainwright. (192)
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SERIES 25
1. THE LAIR OF THE CAT CREATURE - Truly, Clegg and Billy come to the
aid of a failed birdman in the first of a new series.(193)
2. ANCIENT EASTERN WISDOM - AN INTRODUCTION - Clegg and Truly meet Entwistle,
a fount of Oriental wisdom.(194)
3. A PICKUP OF THE LATER MING DYNASTY - Marina goes to buy a hairnet
but returns with a piece of life-saving equipment.(195)
4. THE SECRET BIRTHDAY OF NORMAN CLEGG - Clegg tries to avoid a fuss
on his birthday by lunching at a nice quiet hotel.(196)
5. IN WHICH GAVIN HINCHCLIFFE LOSES THE GULF STREAM - The trio encounters
an old school pal renowned for his eccentricity.(197)
6. THE MIRACULOUS CURING OF OLD GOFF HELLIWELL - Clegg, Truly and Billy
need to put a spark back in the life of an old chum.(198)
7. THE FRENCHIES ARE COMING - As Barry seeks an alternative to golf,
Billy creates a ready-made archery training course.(199)
8. THE MAN WHO INVENTED YORKSHIRE FUNNY STUFF - Truly, Clegg and Billy
track down a man famous for his green fingers.(200)
9. THE SECOND HUSBAND AND THE SHOWGIRLS - Truly learns that his former
wife's new husband is coming to town.(201)
10. ALL OF A FLORRIE - Truly finds out what it's like when a flirtation
from the past turns up with amorous intentions.(202)
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SERIES 26
1. Jurassic No Parking
Howard gets Truly, Clegg and Billy to select a suitable surprise birthday
present for Marina. They happen upon a despondent Barry, who has won a
model dinosaur in a competition and has been instructed by Glenda to get
rid of it because of its size.(203)
2. The General's Greatest Battle
Alvin is amused to see his next-door neighbour Nora Batty dressed in Victorian
costume. She explains that, in the annual parade to celebrate the Battle
of Mazurka, she will be on a float, sitting next to an effigy of General
Monkaster.(204)
3. Spores
Lionel (comedian Roy Hudd) has a reputation for being unpredictable, so
when he just walks off from his wife Mavis (Anita Carey) while out for
a drive in the hills, she is not surprised.(205)
4. Happy Birthday Robin Hood
Billy surprises everyone by turning up in a green suit to commemorate
the birthday of his famous ancestor. No one is surprised when the gullible
Barry also dons a green suit, although there are many embarrassing moments
when he goes for a picnic with Glenda.(206)
5. Who's That With Barry & Glenda? It's Not Barry & Glenda
Truly, Clegg and Billy surprise Barry in the wood carrying a suitcase.Truly
deduces that he is up to something serious and decides to investigate.
Meanwhile, Glenda is also concerned about Barry and his suitcase, and
decides to follow him (dressed as a man) to see if another woman is involved.(207)
6. An Apple A Day
Nora Batty informs Alvin that he has volunteered to take some old-timers
out for the day. After enlisting some support from Clegg and Truly, they
all proceed to the Scrooby's distant farm to pick them up. But taking
out Bert (Brian Peck) and his cranky old wife Sal (Jacqueline Clarke)
isn't going to be easy.(208)
7. Barry Becomes A Psychopathic Killer But Only Part Time
Just as Smiler is beginning to believe he will never find a woman to share
his fun-filled life, along comes Bessie (Joanna Mays), who is mad about
him.(209)
8. Things To Do When Your Wife Runs Off With A Turkish Waiter
Barry and Glenda unwisely exchanged addresses with a little man named
Wendell and his wife while on holiday To their surprise,Wendell (Tony
Peers) turns up, minus his wife, who has left him. Soon he is taking up
all of Barry's time in the pursuance of his hobby – charming birds
with his penny whistle.(210)
9. Beware Of Laughing At Nora's Hats
Alvin is disappointed when Nora Batty declines his invitation to ride
in his newly-made bicycle-and-sidecar. While he is trying to persuade
her, Audrey Craig (Audrey Brooke) passes by.The women’s eyes meet,
with scorn. Audrey once had the audacity to laugh at Nora's hat at a wedding,
and she has never been forgiven.(211)
10. Yours Truly – If You’re Not Careful
Truly keeps missing calls on his mobile telephone. When the caller eventually
gets through to him, he is horrified – it is his former wife.(212)
SERIES 27
1. The Swan Man of Ilkley - Alvin is teaching Nora Batty Line Dancing, Howard and Marinaare trying out diving suits, and Barry is hiding from his neighbour - the Repo Man who, although he is completely useless at it, wants to play golf with him. Then, whilst walking by the canal, Clegg, Truly, Alvin and Billy see a strange figure in the nearby reservoir pond wrestling with a large inflatable swan's neck. The man turns out to be Lenny - who is determined to get to Ilkley by canal in his swan boat, and become famous as The Swan Man of Ilkley. But first he must fix a puncture or two. (213)
2. Watching the Clock - Clegg has bet an old friend that you can still see the clock in the village over the hills from the top of a certain tree. Unwisely, he sets out to prove that he was right, but gets stuck up the tree and can't get down. Meanwhile, Nora Batty, Ivy, Pearl and Glenda buy a slightly used cooker from Auntie Wainwright for the Church hall. Smiler and Tom (Tom Owen) are charged with delivering the cooker and soon find that its weight makes the handcart uncontrollable - especially on hills, when it passes a police car. (214)
3. Has Anyone Seen a Peruvian Wart? - Billy is keen to marry-off his fearsome sister-in-law to get her out of his house. Alvin suggests that they get famed Lothario - Crowcroft to do the job, as he is currently free from any attachment. Truly thinks that the man should be tested on Nora Batty first, to make sure he is up to the job of tackling Billy's sister-in-law. Alvin remembers that Nora Batty bakes a fruitcake that men would die for, so they manage to trick Nora Batty into baking a cake for them, which they duly allow Crowcroft to sample. He is completely hooked, and willingly demonstrates his gift for wooing the women - and Nora Batty in particular. (215)
4 Hermione (the short course) - Howard and Pearl are very concerned when Clegg doesn't answer his door - is he all right? Truly and Billy arrive and find that Clegg is merely writing-up his diaries and doesn't want to be disturbed. Smiler is pining for Hermione, a lost love and Alvin is upsetting Nora Batty by complaining about the depressing drabness of her washing. (216)
5. Who's That Mouse in the Poetry Group? - The day starts with Clegg reading in the local paper that a statue of some civic dignitary has been unveiled. Truly, Alvin, and Billy remember when they were at school and would hold their breath as long as possible to see who could stay still the longest. They decide to do this, and create some incredulous interest for two passing walkers. (217)
6. Available For Weddings - Cycling down a hillside for a short-cut, Clegg ends up with a fractured foot. Truly decides that the accident could have been avoided if they had used studded tyres, and promptly puts in hand a practical demonstration of his theory. (218)
7. The McDonaghs of Jamieson Street - Smiler has met a woman who - forgetting to leave her address - told him to look her up sometime. Truly, Alvin and Billy go on the trail to track her down. With the help of Nora Batty and Ivy they find out that the woman lived at Jamieson Street. And Entwistle finds out that everyone in Jamieson Street was re-housed to Pepworth Street. So they go knocking on doors. Unfortunately, the first door has a rather ugly dog and the enquiries come to a sudden end. (219)
8. The Afterthoughts of a Co-op Manager - Truly leads the enquiries into the whereabouts of a Co-op Manager who was a tyrant when Clegg worked there. With the help of Alvin and Billy, their enquiries lead them to Billy Pilsworth, the father of an ex-boyfriend of Marina, who reveals that his son, Ronnie, went off to Australia. Ultimately, Clegg finds out that the Co-op Manager lost his life in the war and was commended for bravery. (220)
9. Lot No.8 - Overcome by the smell of a real bargain, Auntie Wainwright has made a successful bid at the auction rooms. Unfortunately she doesn?t know what it is, and when she finds out, she doesn?t know what to do with it. (221)
10. Little Orphan Howard - Clegg convinces the gullible Howard that, contrary to his belief, he was left on a doorstep as a baby. While Howard tries to come to terms with this, Alvin is coming to terms with the fact that his newly-made kite won't fly. (222)
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SERIES 28
1. FOLLOW THAT BOTTLE - Resting on the bank of the river, Clegg, Truly, Billy and Alvin are intrigued by a bottle containing a note that floats past them. With the help of Entwistle and his truck, they track the bottle on its course downstream, making various attempts to catch it on the way. Meanwhile, Auntie Wainwright rewards Smiler for unearthing an old rusting suit of armour, by letting him exercise it to rid it of squeaks. (223)
2. HOW TO REMOVE A COUSIN - There is trouble at the Clegg household. Clegg has somehow allowed his cousin Aubrey (Col Farrell) to stay with him, and has found, to his cost, that the man is coming between him and his friends. (224)
3. HAS ANYONE SEEN BARRY'S MID LIFE CRISIS? - Barry is concerned that he may have missed the opportunity to have a mid-life crisis. Howard is imprisoned in his bedroom again, but Truly (on behalf of Clegg, Alvin and Billy) graciously accepts the challenge of springing him. Their first attempt – pretending to be repairing Clegg's stonework – results in Howard being caught red-handed. (225)
4. THE GENUINE OUTDOORS ROBIN HOOD BARBIE - Alvin dresses himself up (complete with suit and bow tie) in an effort to encourage Nora Batty to do likewise and improve the tone of the area. He is none-too-enthusiastic when Billy, who scoffs at modern-day barbeques, invites himself,Truly and Clegg to an outdoor feast in a remote place. (226)
5. BARRY IN DANGER FROM READING AND AUNT JESSIE - While out shopping, Nora and Ivy see Alvin walking with a woman unknown to them.When Nora casually asks Alvin who she is, rather than tell her that she is a cousin, he seizes the opportunity to mislead her into thinking she is a girlfriend. (227)
6. WHO'STHAT MERRY MAN WITH BILLY THEN? - Billy is very excited. He has received a letter from one D W Cheetham, who is keen to join his band of Merry Men Accompanied by Truly, Clegg and Alvin, Billy goes to meet the bus bringing his new recruit – only to find that D W Cheetham is a six-foot woman with all the charms of a female Rambo. (228)
7. WHO'S THAT TALKING TO LEN NY? - Undeterred by Nora Batty's disdain at their comic dance routine, Alvin and Billy persist with their rehearsals to entertain the old folk. Whilst out in the hills with Clegg,Truly and Alvin, Billy sees a man in the distance sitting on a wall. On closer inspection, the man turns out to be an old acquaintance: Lenny from the pickle factory (played by comedian Bobby Ball). He reveals that he is there because he heard a 'voice' from above, and is waiting there for more to follow – although there hasn't been a murmur for some time. (229)
8. OH LOOK! MITZI'S FOUND HER MUMMY - Howard is looking after Mitzi (a nice friendly dog) for the day, while its owner goes to a wedding. Pearl won't let the dog in her house, so Clegg agrees to take the dog into his home. (230)
9. PLENTY OF ROOM IN THE BACK - Howard tells Marina that their new interest is Military History.The usual difficulty of his getting out to play still persists, however, so once more he has to all upon the help of Truly, Clegg, Alvin and Billy in a scheme to spring him. (231)
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SERIES 29
1.The Second Stag Night of Doggy Wilkinson
An old friend – Doggy (Eric Sykes) – is getting re-married and invites Clegg (Peter Sallis), Truly (Frank Thornton), Alvin (Brian Murphy), Entwistle (Burt Kwouk) and Howard (Robert Fyfe) to his stag night at a local inn. At 82, for Doggy it’s more a ‘stag afternoon’ to celebrate his last day of freedom. Doggy is disappointed that this stag night is less fun than his last, and to make matters worse, he just can’t remember the name of his bride to be. When he gets into a singing mode, he falls from a table and has to be wheeled home in a handcart - but manages to kiss a policeman (Ken Kitson) on the way. Pearl is suspicious of Howard’s whereabouts, and goes to the Inn where, unfortunately, Truly has arranged for Marina (Jean Fergusson) to be a Strip-o-gram girl for Doggy’s stag night. (232)
2. What Happened to the Horse?
Clegg (Peter Sallis), Truly (Frank Thornton) and Alvin (Brian Murphy), never miss an opportunity to mislead Howard (Robert Fyfe), so when Alvin observes that a particular strip of woodland looks as if it could be haunted, they soon convince him of its authenticity. Howard accepts the story that nobody goes to the wood at a certain time because of weird sightings of a ghostly tinker, and immediately sees the opportunity to go there for an innocent nature walk with Marina (Jean Fergusson). To scare Howard, Alvin dresses-up to look like the ghostly tinker, however, into the wood comes Barry (Mike Grady) who is dressed in a costume for a part he has in an amateur dramatic production. When Alvin and Barry see each other, they both think they have seen the real ghostly tinker and flee. The local police (Ken Kitson and Louis Emerick) see the frenzied escape of the men in Entwistle’s (Burt Kwouk) truck and give pursuit. When Alvin – wide eyed and ghostly -looks out from the truck, the Police car skids off the road into a roadside sign. (233)
3. Variations on a Theme of Road Rage
When Howard (Robert Fyfe) decides to get more mobile, he buys a second hand car from a woman who is upset at the sad loss of her husband. Whilst giving Clegg (Peter Sallis), and Truly (Frank Thornton), a lift in his new acquisition, he attracts the attention of a particularly fearsome-looking man (Richard Cole), who gives chase – revealing that his ex wife has sold his car out of spite. A little later, Howard is taking Marina (Jean Fergusson) for a drive in the country when the man – now getting a lift in a friend’s car - enlists the help of the police (Ken Kitson and Louis Emerick) to give chase. Entwistle (Burt Kwouk) is passing with Truly and Clegg and finds himself in the chase. Pearl, (Juliette Kaplan) and Nelly (June Whitfield) see the pursuit of Howard, so turn round and join in. (234)
4. In Which Howard gets Double Booked
Pearl (Juliette Kaplan) decides that the time has come for her errant husband, Howard (Robert Fyfe) to take her out to dinner. Thinking of the cost, Howard’s lack of enthusiasm is doubled when Pearl invites Nelly (June Whitfield) to join their little party . When Howard goes to tell Marina (Jean Fergusson) that he has to take his wife out to dinner, she – having heard from Truly (Frank Thornton) and Alvin (Brian Murphy) that he was making dinner arrangements -misunderstands and thinks he is inviting her. Clegg (Peter Sallis), Truly and Alvin (Brian Murphy) come to his help and, with the assistance of Entwistle (Burt Kwouk), they work out a plan to have Howard in two places at once. As this involves heavily bandaging Howard, the two policemen (Ken Kitson and Louis Emerick) are intrigued to see Entwistle’s truck passing them at speed with someone in the back apparently assaulting an accident victim. Their noble intervention results in them crashing into the back of Entwistle’s truck. (235)
5. Will The Nearest Alien Please Come In
Kevin (Mark Curry) is a science fiction fanatic who tries to convince Clegg (Peter Sallis), Truly (Frank Thornton), Alvin (Brian Murphy), and Entwistle (Burt Kwouk) that Aliens from some distant planet may well have already landed and are merging into the community. Meanwhile Pearl (Juliette Kaplan) is determined to sabotage the attempts by Howard (Robert Fyfe) to perfect a silent bicycle. Kevin convinces the men that it is possible to communicate with outer space by holding hands. As they stand in a field holding hands, they mistake the whirr of Howard’s sabotaged bicycle as a sign that it works, and Howard and Marina (Jean Fergusson) mistake the appearance of the police (Ken Kitson and Louis Emerick) as a sign that Pearl has enlisted them to follow him. The police give the holding hands in a field theory a try – just as their Chief Inspector is passing. (236)
6. Elegy For Small Creature and Track Bike
Clegg (Peter Sallis), reluctantly agrees to let Howard (Robert Fyfe) bring his new bicycle in to his house out of sight from Pearl (Juliette Kaplan), but is dismayed when he finds that it is a track bike. When Truly (Frank Thornton), Alvin (Brian Murphy), Entwistle (Burt Kwouk) are assisting Clegg to get the bike out of his house, Pearl appears and wants to know to whom it belongs. Howard tells her that it belongs to Clegg. Later the men happen upon Tom (Tom Owen) who is grieving over the death of a dear friend. After getting him drunk, they wheel him back on an abandoned supermarket trolley. Howard implores Clegg to dress-up as a motor cyclist and just be seen by Pearl with the bike. The ladies hear the noise of the bike and are just in time to see Clegg roar-off in pursuit of Tom in the supermarket trolley, which has silently rolled away. Pearl is convinced that Clegg is really a biker and, for a short while, Howard is in the clear. (237)
7. The Crowcroft Challenge
Alvin (Brian Murphy) and Truly (Frank Thornton) ask the librarian, Miss Davenport (Josephine Tewson) for information about a traditional race where, dressed as crows, contenders must complete a course in a dead straight line between two points. Howard (Robert Fyfe) sees the crow costume as an ideal means of meeting up with an old friend Marina (Jean Fergusson) out in the country, so he teams up with Alvin. With the help of Clegg (Peter Sallis), Truly (Frank Thornton), and Entwistle (Burt Kwouk) and his truck, the two crows set off. A particularly high hedge almost defeats Howard and Alvin, but with the ingenuity of Truly, they find a means of flying over it. The sight of this is too much for a passing drunk. (238)
8. Must be Good Dancer
Following-up a lonely hearts advert in the local newspaper, Tom (Tom Owen) takes Smiler (Stephen Lewis) to the librarian (Josephine Tewson) to get a book on dancing. Unfortunately for Smiler, Truly (Frank Thornton), and Alvin (Brian Murphy) overhear this and offer to help make Smiler irresistible to any woman. Smiler is dressed in top hat and tails so that Entwistle (Burt Kwouk) can take a photograph to send to the woman. But an attempt outside the café ends up with Nora Batty (Kathy Staff) walloping Smiler with her umbrella. Another attempt to re-create the famous dancers on a taxi roof shot, results in Smiler going through the milk float roof. Extracting him proves to be a challenge for everyone. (239)
9. In which Howard Remembers Where He Left His Bicycle Pump
When Howard (Robert Fyfe) is in town with Truly (Frank Thornton) he is noticeably embarrassed when he is greeted by a mysterious woman – Wanda - (Heather Ramsay). Meanwhile the ladies – Nora Batty (Kathy Staff), Ivy (Jane Freeman), Glenda (Sarah Thomas), Nelly (June Whitfield) and Pearl (Juliette Kaplan) are all going to the Stockley Fair, and each has baked buns for the competition. Howard sees the possibilities of active exercise with Tom (Tom Owen) and Entwistle (Burt Kwouk) on a cross-country run. Truly and Alvin (Brian Murphy) then discover that Howard has arranged to meet Marina by the river, so, to complicate his life, they manage to switch Marina for the mysterious Wanda – telling her that Howard still has feelings for her. The women don’t get to the fair, but Pearl returns in time to see Howard in the powerful grip of Wanda. (240)
10 The Wormley Witches
Up on a hilltop, Clegg (Peter Sallis), Truly (Frank Thornton), Alvin (Brian Murphy) and Entwistle (Burt Kwouk) are surprised when a man – Sinclair (Philip Anthony) appears and starts throwing rocks at them. Intrigued, they return later to find out why the man is being so aggressive. Meanwhile Glenda (Sarah Thomas) is with Barry (Mike Grady) trying to get him interested in bird-watching as an alternative to golf. Her idea that in such a remote area he will not be at risk of being embarrassed by his friends, is soon expelled when Truly, Entwistle, and Alvin disturb the birds as they chase Sinclair. It emerges that Sinclair has been cursed by ‘the witches’ for shouting remarks at football match. The men decide that the only way to exorcise Sinclair is to take him to see ‘The Master’, who looks like Smiler (Stephen Lewis) with a turban. (241)
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SERIES 30
1
Barry (Mike Grady) is having trouble keeping up with his neighbour (Brian Conley), who enjoys outshining him in every fitness exercise. With the help of Clegg (Peter Sallis), Truly (Frank Thornton) and Alvin (Brian Murphy) a plan is evolved to cut the man down to size. A plan which involves the Master of Kung Fu - Electrical Entwistle (Burt Kwouk) and the Grand Master; Howard (Robert Fyfe). (242)
2
Howard (Robert Fyfe) in his relentless quest to get away from his wife, Pearl (Juliette Kaplan), comes up with a foolproof idea that will allow him to be quite open in his relationship with Marina (Jean Fergusson). But the scheme starts going wrong when Auntie Wainwright (Jean Alexander) mistakes Howard for Tom (Tom Owen) and Pearl too, mistakes him for Tom. With the help of Clegg (Peter Sallis), Truly (Frank Thornton) and Alvin (Brian Murphy), things can only get worse. (243)
3
Just when PC Walsh (Louis Emerick) is relaxing into another lesson from his partner PC Cooper (Ken Kitson) in how to fight crime without actually doing anything, along comes a report of a kidnapping. Glenda (Sarah Thomas) has made Barry (Mike Grady) take a retired vicar (Nicholas Smith) out for a drive in the country. With the help of Alvin (Brian Murphy), Entwistle (Burt Kwouk) and Howard (Robert Fyfe) , Barry goes to collect the vicar, but he refuses to join them and walks off. When they eventually catch up with him, they get ready to grab him. A workman sees the group manhandling the vicar into a car and reports the 'kidnapping' to the police. Seeing this as an easy opportunity to earn some Brownie points, PC's Cooper and Walsh follow Barry's car and, when the 'gang' aren't looking, bravely snatch back the irate vicar and hide him in the boot of the car. Barry and his helpers think that the vicar has jumped over a nearby cliff, and the Superintendent thinks that Cooper and Walsh are idiots. (244)
4
Lance (Kenneth Cope) has the undivided attention of Auntie Wainwright (Jean Alexander) when he wants to buy his wife Ethel (Maggie Ollerenshaw) a birthday present. She wants a fridge, but he wants to give her a new Hi-Fi so that he can listen to his old Elvis Presley records. When, later, Alvin (Brian Murphy) and Entwistle (Burt Kwouk) learn that Lance is an unashamed Elvis fan, and fervently believes that his idol still lives, they look for someone to dress up as Elvis. It just so happens that Howard (Robert Fyfe), is looking for some dramatic way to improve his appearance for Marina (Jean Fergusson) so he is promptly volunteered. Barry (Mike Grady), meanwhile, has lost his boss's dog, and with the help of Glenda (Sarah Thomas) is calling out it's name. Lance is astonished to hear what he believes are people heralding his idol, and is speechless when he actually sees him - albeit with a cloth cap. (245)
5
Howard (Robert Fyfe) is deeply concerned when he learns that Marina (Jean Fergusson) and Miss Davenport (Josephine Tewson) have met a Jeremy (John Challis) - an attractive stranger with an exciting past as a Jewel Thief on the Riviera. When Auntie Wainwright discovers that she has an old safe in her store room, she is frustrated that she can't remember the lock combination to open it. Entwistle (Burt Kwouk) and Alvin (Brian Murphy) are no help, but when Howard appears, he knows just who will be able to open it -or not. (246)
6
Alvin (Brian Murphy) has bumped into an old acquaintance - Eva (Shirley Anne Field) – who is free and, much to Alvin’s concern, obviously still interested in him. When Howard (Robert Fyfe) is unusually depressed about the boredom of his life, Alvin sees Eva as a means of brightening it up. With the help of Clegg (Peter Sallis), Truly (Frank Thornton) and Entwistle (Burt Kwouk), they concoct a tale to convince Howard that at a recent party - under the influence of alcohol - he invited Eva to move in with him - tomorrow. (247)
7
Barry (Mike Grady) is having trouble coping with Chislehurst (Tyler Butterworth), a likeable near neighbour who just wants to be his friend.
Barry decides the only way to get Chislehurst off his back, is to get him a girlfriend, and Miss Davenport (Josephine Tewson) is the obvious choice. Auntie Wainwright (Jean Alexander) has just the outfit to make him suitable for the librarian. The plan doesn't work straight away, but it is nothing that Alvin (Brian Murphy) can't put right with a little advice. (248)
8
Howard (Robert Fyfe) convinces Pearl (Juliette Kaplan) that he is only wearing bells on his ankles to keep the tradition of the Morris Dancer alive. In fact it is a clever means of contacting Marina (Jean Fergusson) simply by walking. Meanwhile Alvin (Brian Murphy) and Entwistle (Burt Kwouk) are practicing downhill roller skating, much to the restrained concern of PC's Walsh (Louis Emmerick) and Cooper (Ken Kitson). (249)
9
Mervyn (Philip Fox) is lovelorn. He is passionately in love with the woman in the Pizza take-away, but hasn't the confidence to invite her out. Alvin (Brian Murphy) and Entwistle (Burt Kwouk) decide to help, and they arrange for the woman to meet him. But, have they got the right woman?
(250)
10
Clegg (Peter Sallis) and Truly (Frank Thornton) comfort Alvin (Brian Murphy) who has just suffered a wetting-down with a bucket of water from Nora Batty (Kathy Staff), by recalling some of the indignities that Compo (Bill Owen) had to suffer. Besides coping with Nora's commendable aim, Compo was always up for testing hair-brained ideas - like the mobile tractor wheel. And then there was the time Compo was volunteered to tow Clegg and Truly along the canal - just like the horses used to do of old. (251)
11
Lenny (Bobby Ball), formerly of the pickle factory, is in serious training as an Escapologist at a local talent contest. With the help of his unenthusiastic assistant and accompanist on the piano, Cliff (Tommy Cannon) he chains himself up for intensive rehearsals, which always seem to end up in his failure to actually escape from them. When the day of the talent contest arrives, Howard (Robert Fyfe) - to prove his complete innocence - goes along with Clegg (Peter Sallis), Truly (Frank Thornton) Entwistle (Burt Kwouk) and Alvin (Brian Murphy). But both Marina (Jean Fergusson) and Pearl (Juliette Kaplan) turn up unexpectedly, and he has to borrow one of Lenny's props to make his escape. (252)
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CHRISTMAS SPECIALS
1977 - A MERRY HEATWAVE - Nora Batty's brother is near to death and not likely to see another Christmas. So Foggy decides to re-create a nice traditional, old-fashioned Christmas - in the middle of a sweltering hot summer…
1979 - AND A DEWHURST UP A FIR TREE - Foggy Dewhurst decides to beat the Christmas rush by shopping for presents in the middle of summer. He ends up being conned by Big Eric, who sells him 100 Christmas trees for £10. A bargain? Not when they are crawling with insects!
1981 - WHOOPS - Christmas isn't what it used to be, so the trio decide to look for two old school chums to help recapture the spirit of their youth.
1982 - ALL MOD CONNED - A break from the commercial side of Christmas as Foggy books a seaside caravan for himself, Compo and Clegg.
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