EPISODE DESCRIPTIONS

SERIES 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |

SERIES 1
* Number in parentheses at end of program description is BBCWA library tape number. (Note: this first series is not generally sold as part of the package. Program descriptions are for any station who should elect to go backand purchase first set.)

1. ALIVE AND BURIED - At the age of 60, and after 26 years of loyal service, Victor is retired from his job as a security guard for Watson-Mycroft. He's replaced by a box and a recorded message. (1)

2. THE BIG SLEEP - The Meldrews attend an atheist funeral and receive a visit from what Victor calls "the Jehovah's Witness police." As the fog descends on suburbia Victor wakes up thinking he's dead... and attempts to assault God. (2)

3. THE VALLEY OF FEAR - Victor is mugged while photographing the sunset over Bluebell Wood, and graffiti is sprayed on their house. These events lead to the Meldrews heading a neighborhood crime prevention meeting. (3)

4. I'LL RETIRE TO BEDLAM - It's a trying time for Victor when he is first trapped in the shed for three hours, then stuck in the opticians for a day with his eyes shut. Then to top it all the greatest horror becomes a reality - a day babysitting Iris's kids. (4)

5. THE ETERNAL QUADRANGLE - Margaret is pleased when Victor takes up a new hobby but regrets her encouragement when she discovers that he's been painting a nude and giving the model a lift home afterwards. (5)

6. THE RETURN OF THE SPECKELED BAND - It's holiday time for the Meldrews but Victor's scared of flying. Things only go from bad to worse when suburbia is invaded by reptiles. (6)

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SERIES 2
1. LUTON AIRPORT, NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU SCREAM - Victor and Margaret return from holiday to find that their baggage has been sent to the other side of the world and their house has been demolished following a terrible fire. They attempt to cheer themselves up by holding a house warming party. (7)

2. WE HAVE PUT HER LIVING IN THE TOMB - The Meldrews begin the task of decorating the new house, and are entrusted with the responsibility of tortoise sitting for Margaret's goddaughter. Disaster is lurking amongst the grass cuttings. (8)

3. DRAMATIC FEVER - Victor writes a hilarious script for a new comedy series. Unfortunately no-one else finds it funny. Margaret also catches the dramatic fever and takes up acting. (9)

4. WHO WILL BUY? - Victor fends off a toy dinosaur salesman. Meanwhile, Pippa suspects that Victor is responsible for the murder of an elderly blind man. A benefit concert gives Victor the chance to resurrect Cuthbert the dummy and air his ventriloquist skills. (10)

5. LOVE AND DEATH - The Meldrews take a weekend visit to see Vince and April in their boarding house on the south coast. Vince presents Victor with a most unusual and unwelcome gift. (11)

6. TIMELESS TIME - As Victor is unable to sleep, he kindly ensures that Margaret also gets no peace. Things get so desperate that Victor contemplates opening Ronnie and Mildred's Christmas present from last year - but no, he's not quite that desperate. (12)

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SERIES 3
1. MONDAY MORNING WILL BE FINE - Victor and Margaret return from a shopping trip to discover that the house has been burgled - and the neighbors helped out! How can they survive without television? (13)

2. DREAMLAND - Mrs. Warboys tells the story of how Margaret went missing following a series of haunting dreams. Mr. Swainee evades Victor's attempts to nail the fence closed and invites the Meldrews round to see his pigeons. (14)

3. THE BROKEN REFLECTION - Patrick and Pippa quite rightly fear the worst when they ask Victor and Margaret to look after their house whilst they are on holiday. For when Victor seeks revenge for the litter thrown into his garden, it goes terribly wrong. (15)

4. THE BEAST IN THE CAGE - A day out turns into a nightmare for Victor, Margaret and Mrs. Warboys when the bank holiday traffic comes to a standstill on the motorway. Trapped in the car staring at a horse's back end for four hours! (16)

5. BEWARE THE TRICKSTER ON THE ROOF - Suburban life is disrupted when Mr. Swainee returns from holiday with an evil talisman in the form of a gift paperweight. Victor is astonished when he receives a phone call from burglars who hit his house asking for a manual to help program his video recorder. (17)

6. THE WORST HORROR OF ALL - Victor is overjoyed when he finally gets a decent job offer (as the doorman at a posh hotel). But after being insulted by a guest in an obvious wig he decides that retirement is the better option after all. (18)

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SERIES 4
1. THE PIT AND THE PENDULUM - Victor decides that Patrick's cherry tree is the cause of his garden being dry and enlists a Neanderthal gardener to cultivate the stray roots. But only when it's too late does he learn that the pit could have a secondary use. (19)

2. DESCENT INTO THE MAELSTROM - Margaret collapses from nervous exhaustion, but after a few days of Victor's loving care decides to go back to work in order to get some peace and quiet. Andrea Temple visits Margaret with a baby that has a mysterious fondness for garden gnomes. (20)

3. HEARTS OF DARKNESS - Victor, Margaret, Mrs. Warboys and Mr. Swainee take a trip into the countryside, but nothing seems to go according to plan. Victor stumbles upon a home for the elderly where the residents are being abused by the staff and hatches a plot for their liberation. (21)

4. WARM CHAMPAGNE - Margaret meets up with Ben, an acquaintance that she made on holiday, and is surprised to find another woman in her bed when she returns. And so is Victor! (22)

5. THE TRIAL - Victor spends a day at home while on-call for jury service. He contemplates his various ailments once again, gets a letter from a disgruntled Jehovah's Witness, tackles a difficult crossword, and struggles to save himself from a blow-by-blow account of Mrs Warboys' holiday in Corke. (23)

6. SECRET OF THE SEVEN SORCERERS -The Meldrews invite Patrick and Pippa round for a friendly meal, but Patrick is distinctly worried about what horrors might befall them. Luckily they escape the threat of Victor's deadly curry when it is accidentally drunken by the window cleaner. (24)

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SERIES 5
1. THE MAN WHO BLEW AWAY - The Meldrew household plays host to a suicidal stranger from the past, who they know only because they stayed in the same guesthouse 17 years ago. Someone has been tampering with Victor's Christmas Crackers, and the Meldrews are decidedly unhappy when their stolen car is finally returned. (25)

2. ONLY A STORY - Mrs. Warboys comes to stay with the Meldrews while her flat dries out after a flood. Victor suffers a most unpleasant kitchen accident, tries a bit of so-called reflexology, and has a run-in with a chimney sweep (26)

3. THE AFFAIR OF THE HOLLOW LADY - Everyone is stunned when Mrs. Warboys has a wax model of herself made as the prize from a competition. Millicent the local greengrocer takes a fancy to Victor and attempts to claim him from Margaret. (27)

4. REARRANGING THE DUET - The Meldrews suffer a long wait in their solicitor's waiting room. Victor observes the strange habits of the other visitors, fidgets impatiently, and finally attacks a dog with a cake. Margaret remembers the first time they kissed. (28)

5. HOLE IN THE SKY - Margaret and Pippa once more attempt to get Victor and Patrick to bury the hatchet but the result is no less of a disaster than usual. Victor restores a Dutch girl marionette and experiments with some deadly seafood cookery. (29)

6. THE EXTERMINATING ANGEL - Romance is in the air for Mr. Swainee when he finally invites Tania the nurse out for a date. Victor takes a job as a chauffeur but rapidly wipes out his employer's beloved fleet through a series of Victor-esque mishaps. (30)

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SERIES 6
1. THE EXECUTIONER'S SONG - A dispute with the Meldrews scuppers Patrick's plans for a quiet birthday, and Pippa finds herself in an adulterous affair that threatens to wreck her marriage. (31)

2. TALES OF TERROR - Victor prepares to do battle with the builders who have dashed his plans for a new barbecue, and later he becomes worried when a routine medical test turns out to have sinister implications. (32)

3. THE FUTILITY OF THE FLY - Victor begins to regret hiring a cleaner to help around the house, and a visit to the fish shop unleashes all manner of nameless horrors. (33)

4. THREATENING WEATHER - Plunged into darkness after a power outage on a sweltering summer night, Victor has nothing better to do than fire off a litany of complaints from faulty lampshades to humankind in general. (34)

5. THE DAWN OF MAN - Victor's new hobby of fishing leads to an encounter with humanity at its most primitive. Meanwhile, a three-week visit from Patrick's gay twin brother has left Pippa feeling mentally and physically exhausted. (35)

6. THINGS AREN'T SIMPLE ANY MORE - Last ever episode of the comedy series. After Victor dies in a road accident, Margaret faces up to life without him. But she receives another nasty shock when she discovers the identity of Victor's killer. (36)

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