EPISODE DESCRIPTIONS

SERIES 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Xmas specials

SERIES 1
* Number in parentheses at end of program description is BBCWA library tape number.

1. Tom is a reluctant new member of the Bayview Retirement Village. He meets Diana, a sharp-tongued spinster who lives next door. They strike up an uneasy alliance which portends many an adventure ahead. (1)

2. Diana commandeers her niece's Porsche for a trip to Brighton and brings Tom along for company. By the time their journey ends, the police have been alerted about two renegade senior citizens on the loose in a sports car. (2)

3. Diana has discovered that Tom has taken to his bed where he protests that he is dying. Diana might not be the best to cheer up her friend. She admits to having last been happy herself in 1955. (3)

4. Diana has a secret illness that Tom is afraid it may put her residential status in jeopardy. He conjures up an outrageous plan to blackmail the management of Bayview. Tom and Diana also disrupt the christening of Tom's great-nephew. (4)

5. The arrival of a new matron creates a great rift between Tom and Diana. The matron promptly gets rid of flower beds, removes the piano from the dining room and plots to have Diana voted out of the retirement home. (5)

6. The Bayview management attempt to remove Tom and Diana by having them certified. The psychiatrist passes them both as mentally sound even though Tom announces that he is Sir Edmund Hillary and has just conquered Everest. (6)

7. Diana relives her past as a photo journalist with a bit of aerial photography from a helicopter. Tom has accompanied her but is not too keen on the event. "Up here is far to close to God." (7)

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SERIES 2
1. Tom and Diana continue to be rebel senior citizens determined to squeeze the most from life before meeting their Maker. This week the duo also take up counseling for the dying. (8)

2. Tom is in a decline. He admits to Diana that he is feeling lonely and suggests that they "shack up" together. Diana's immediate reaction is to erect a partition between their quarters. (9)

3. There is still a wall dividing Tom and Diana. But while Diana waits for an apology from Tom, she must witness Daisy Williams, the newcomer to the Bayview Retirement Home, taking charge. (10)

4. Mysterious thefts at Bayview set Diana and Tom off on a bit of sleuthing. However, the ingenuity leads Tom into hot water as he finds himself taking the rap for a shop lifting offense. Diana defends him as "the most harmless, boring person in the world." (11)

5. Tom decides that honesty is the best policy and vows to tell the truth at all times. Diana must deal with her ghastly niece, alias "The Clapham Strangler." (12)

6. To Tom's great concern, Diana breaks her hip and has to go into hospital. Diana's great concern is that she get out in time to ruin her niece's wedding. (13)

7. The Glamorous Granny Competition has come to Bayview Retirement Village. On a bet, Diana tries her hand at being nice and entering the competition. She loses the bet. (14)

8. Harvey, the despicable manager of Bayview, has determined to cut costs by employing a group of short foreigners. And there is the nasty business of knife fights on the croquet lawn. (15)

9. The unimaginable occurs. Young people come to Bayview. Diana is thrilled by their visit while Harvey works overtime trying to get her thrown out. (16)

10. Tom is proud of his son Geoffrey when he summons courage to leave his awful wife. But when he moves in with Tom and begins boring everyone stiff, Diana leaps into action. (17)

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SERIES 3
1. A local vicar has a nervous breakdown at one of the resident's funeral. Tom and Diana set him off on an interesting pat to sanity. Tom's son has a spot of bother with his dipsomaniac and nymphomaniac wife. (18)

2. It falls on Tom and Diana that they must look after two rather nasty children. Diana decides to teach them a thing or two. (19)

3. Life at Bayview Retirement Village is not exactly hectic. Tom and Diana decide they are so bored that they will have to get jobs. (20)

4. An unexpected guest and Harvey's fiancée are the sources for some malicious fun on the parts of Tom and Diana. (21)

5. As they sort through what to do with their time, Tom and Diana turn their attentions to the local area outside of Bayview. In doing so they lock horns with an estate agent. (22)

6. When Diana is found in Tom's bed, the shock waves reverberate around Bayview. Tom is suddenly the center of attention of the ladies bowling team. (23)

7. Tom and Diana decide they should to away on holiday. First they will have to outwit Harvey's building plans and raise some money. (24)

8. Diana decides she needs to broaden her horizons to encompass her energies and talent. She launches herself into politics only to find Tom and Harvey running against her. (25)

9. Diana falls ill and believes herself to be in critical condition. She takes matters into her own hands and asks Tom for sleeping pills. (26)

10. Diana's niece Sarah goes into labor. Despite the great aunt's protestations of being too squeamish for such stuff, Diana and Tom are pressed into service. (27)

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SERIES 4
1. Diana has run into severe financial difficulties, and the management of Bayview delight in the prospect of losing her as a resident. Will soul-mate and fellow "inmate" Tom come to her rescue? (28)

2. The always abrasive but now penniless Diana is forced to live with Tom. A new resident turns them into a most unlikely pair of love birds. (29)

3. After only a few weeks spent together "living in miserable sin," Diana is in desperate need of a few months of solitary confinement. Tom scrutinizes his lease agreement for a get out clause to rid himself of his acid-tongued flat mate. (30)

4. Diana is away and greatly missed at Bayview, especially by Tom. His son Geoffrey has insisted on living him and is driving him insane with his hobby - building shelves. (31)

5. A spiritualist is hell-bent on splitting up Diana and Tom who are "living in sin." At a seance, she puts Tom in touch with his dear departed wife and Tom falls under he powers. Diana decides she will remove the spell. (32)

6. Harvey wants to produce a glossy video on Bayview to help him set up franchises around the country. When Diana discovers what is going on she is determined to sabotage the film. (33)

7. When the local council cancels Tom's and Diana's favorite classes as the Adult Education Centre, Diana looks to roll some heads. But when they take on City Hall, Tom and Diana are put firmly in their place. (34)

8. Diana causes Harvey to have what he terms a nervous breakdown. For once the other residents side with management and cause Diana to be sent away to Coventry. (35)

9. Tom has a night out at his regimental reunion, and Diana has reason to believe he has met up with a girlfriend. Have Tom and Basil turned into geriatric Lager Louts? (36)

10. Bad news for Tom as his doctor alerts him to impending problems with his prostate. Diana senses that Tom's doctor is not telling him everything there is to tell. (37)

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SERIES 5
1. Tom has a spell in hospital with prostate trouble. When he returns home he finds his son Geoffrey has finally left his completely flipped out wife and wants to stay with Tom and Diana. They will have none of it. (38)

2. Harvey has asked a Japanese designer to look at Bayview with a view to "packing in more oldies per square foot." This leads him into immediate confrontation with Tom and the newly formed Bayview Conservation Society. (39)

3. Diana is less than thrilled with the prospect of a Royal visit to Bayview. Her stern views on the British class system and the Royal family are directly opposed to Tom's pronounced sense of patriotism. (40)

4. With no sign of improvement to her suppurating foot. Tom presses Diana into a trip to the doctor. The prognosis is not good. Neither is her mood when she is told to adopt a new diet. (41)

5. Diana is surprised to find she has something in common with Jane. They are both being driven to distraction by men. Jane is being pursued by Harvey. (44)

6. Tom lands in jail after a driving lesson goes awry. Jane grows increasingly more religious and Harvey orders a mail-away ordination in order to become a priest. (43)

7. Following Diana's rejection of his proposal of marriage, Tom decides to go bungee jumping. At the very edge of his leap Diana withdraws her refusal but lays down strict ground rules for their future married life. (44)

8. Two weddings are on order - that of Tom and Diana and that of Harvey and Jane. The betrothed couples are surprised to find that they are sharing their marriage with a funeral. (45)

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CHRISTMAS SPECIALS
CHRISTMAS 1992 - Diana refuses to join the Christmas spirit so Tom sends for Baby Diana and also invites some homeless people to stay in Harvey's flat for the holiday.

CHRISTMAS 1993 - Diana is asked to direct the Nativity play for the elderly of the parish. She and Tom play a trick on Harvey who then has an accident and undergoes a personality change.